A man who finds a wife… thoughts on marriage

Due to many requests via comments and e-mails, I’ve decided to expound on the comment I wrote concerning marriage on my video blog post. I say unashamedly, that this is merely theory. I do not know anything about marriage experientially, only what I’ve read in the Bible. The Bible seems to paint a pretty clear picture of marriage, and I have had a lot of advice over the years from the wonderful leaders in my life. The practical day to day ways of walking this out I am only now learning as I interact with my beloved fiancé Carrie. I’m not reciting rhetoric, these are the conclusions I’ve drawn in my study. Therefore for me this topic is a bit intimidating, but either way her we go.

In a marriage relationship both the man and woman our accountable to the Lord first. The primary affections of their hearts belong to Christ. Therefore neither man nor woman has lordship over the other. Instead they equally travel through life together. No persons affections will ever be solely satisfied in the other person, but only in Christ. A person’s spouse is not to be the well one draws from for the satisfaction of the soul. Both receive from Christ, then give to each other.

However when there are two people one has to be the point person. Therefore the man (probably because men seem to lean toward being proud as a primary function) is required to humble himself, and love his wife with the same sacrifice, and diligence that Christ does us.

Christ who deserved no penalty for His actions. Who was RIGHT all of the time, who was perfect, and the only man without sin. He not only loved us even in our sin, He gave up His perfect life that deserved no penalty and laid it down for us to pay our penalty. It’s this picture that Paul calls to mind in Eph. 5:22-32. Paul is declaring that a man’s primary function is to love as Christ did in this magnificent sacrifice.

This isn’t to say that men are right at all in fact to say they are wrong, which is why God puts us men into the position where we must consider the work of the cross, and the life of Christ, and be love by that definition to the woman we are entrusted with from heaven. Even as Jesus declares us as His great reward, as His glory, so is a man’s wife. She is a great reward, or entrustment from heaven, and is to be valued as such.

The woman therefore is to submit. However I don’t think it’s to the man’s authority, but instead to his love. She has to let her husband lay down his life for her, and let him love her no matter how unworthy, strong, self sufficient or broken she feels. She must do this in the same way the church is called to submit to Christ’s love no matter how strong, self sufficient, or broken we feel. God commandment is that we love and be loved.

He is to love her she is to submit to that love. Therefore if there is something wrong in the relationship the man must first ask, “Am I loving her well? Am I laying my life down for her?” before he begins to point out the flaws in her life. The man is never to become the voice of an accuser in the wife’s life. But rather is to “wash her” with the truth and life of the living Word. The woman must ask herself if she has let her husband love her before she begins to point out what he is doing wrong. She also is never to become the voice of the accuser, but she is to love and respect her husband. If there are flaws instead of pointing them out, she helps him with them instead.

I have to pause here, and say that this is what I love about my fiancé. She consistently does this well. In fact it’s probably what caused me to fall in love with her. She never accused me no matter the fault. Instead she has always made an effort to help. This has been monumental in my life.

A man is to treasure his wife. That’s why I think in the Bible it never says anywhere, “a woman who has a great husband how great is her life.” Instead the emphasis is on the man to treasure his wife. “A man who finds a wife finds a good thing”

I think if a guy is in a relationship with a woman and he doesn’t realize, or think that woman in his life is the greatest treasure he has ever received in this life, then I expect their relationship has many problems. A man should love, respect, and honor the woman in his life above everything but God.

I tell guys all of the time before they date, unless you think you are willing to lay your life down for that woman, don’t get involved in anything past friendship until you think you are ready. I tell girls all the time, if a guy comes along and isn’t continually grateful for your life and doesn’t think you are the greatest treasure in his life. Then drop him like a bad habit.

I cringe when I hear men talk about making their wives submit to their authority. I also cringe when I see very gifted and talented women stifled by their husbands and his need to be “the man of the house”.

Both man and woman should fight for each other’s destiny, never fighting for their only for their own. It is more pleasant and effective when the two can journey together. Which is why I think the man is called to lay down his life. So their relationship can move past his pride. In the laying down of his life he creates a foundation upon she can do the same.

Again this is the picture I see in scripture. Not claiming to be an expert, just trying to learn how to be a good husband to Carrie come October 5^th when we tie the knot!

your thoughts?