When you realize you are human…

Yesterday Afternoon I was massively rushed. I was busy in my office editing videos for the Student Ministries Media department when I looked at the clock.

5:29pm

Totally lost track of time. I have an important meeting at 6pm and I have to cash a check at one bank, deposit it at another, and make it back on time. I have extra desire to be on time to the meeting because it’s the first meeting I have for a new role I just started, and I want to start off on the right foot.

I scream down the Highway, breaking every traffic law in existence. The adrenaline pumping as I get stuck behind someone driving the speed limit. Everything within me wishes I was driving a monster truck and could fly over the top of them. I pull off some Cannon Ball Run type maneuvers and I spin into the bank parking lot. There are no parking spots except for one older man slowly getting into his car. He sits down, checks his mirrors, mean while I tap the steering wheel like my life and existence hinges on him pulling out of his spot quickly. He does, I park and run inside.

I’m excited to see that though the parking lot was full, there is only 2 people in line at the teller. Then I realize I left in such a hurry I forgot the deposit slip to the friends account I was depositing the money into. I call them and get the info as the line in front of me grows. Once I get everything filled out I jump into line like a 5th grader in the cafeteria on Apple Crisp pie day. People notice my hurried pace and try not to stare as I tap my leg.

I’m next in line but the lady in front of me apparently knows the teller, so they are talking about their personal lives. I look at my watch frustrated cursing under my breath. The lady is laughing and yukking it up with the teller. Apparently she is friends with his mother too, and they are reminiscing. Meanwhile I couldn’t be more impatient. I restrain from saying anything. For someone who just broke every known traffic law getting here I suddenly become very law conscious. “He’s not supposed to have personal conversations during work hours! Someone should tell his manager.” Just as my blood boils to its zenith, she says good bye and leaves.

I take care of my transactions and run back to my truck. I have have 15 minutes left and I’m 5 minutes away. “I did it!” I sigh… or did I? I sat back and recounted my actions over the last 15 minutes. That’s when I became aware of just how totally depraved I actually was. As I rushed to get to a meeting where I was going to be strategizing about how to lead people in a ministry where prayer, fasting, and holiness are our main epitaphs. Yet here I am, prayer and fasting the last thing on my mind, and holiness far from the description of my actions. So I pause.

“Holy Spirit I need help. I repent for my actions. Thank you for grace and mercy toward me, help me to have peace and patience.” I put my car into gear, and pulled out. As I reached the Missions base I began to feel peace, and the hurriedness had left my nerves. I still felt bad for my actions, so I pulled in to a parking spot and paused again. “Jesus you love me even in my weakness, and you have forgiven me my sin, and I love you, I receive your mercy.” I got out of my car and didn’t think about it again. Knowing that though I was in sin, His grace was truly sufficient not only to forgive my sin, but give me strength not to sin next time.

Often I find myself in those types of places, as I’m sure you do. Places where I realize I deserve hell just as much as Adolf Hitler. Blessed be Christ who set me free from the law of sin and death, and made me alive when I was dead. Because without him I’m depraved.

For Real